WEEK 2

Grab your popcorn. One of these rosters was built by a genius, the other by a group chat dare. Abu Jabal (1-0) versus Omar’s B*tches (1-0). Vegas calls this a pick'em. I call it mutually assured mediocrity. Let's see whose projections were lies.

Abu Jabal handles business, 148.3-117.3. Omar will tell you it was closer than the score. The score disagrees, and the score was there. Karim improves to 2-0. Credit where due, and I do mean the bare minimum of credit. Omar drops to 1-1 and is officially in 'blame the projections' territory.

The film doesn't lie, and unfortunately for one of these teams, I've watched it. On paper this is a coin flip: Balls Deep at 0-1, fantasy sucks at 0-1. On tape, it's two teams praying the other starts the wrong flex. Somebody tell the benches to stay warm. They usually outscore the starters around here.

FINAL: fantasy sucks 144.7, Balls Deep 116.4. Workmanlike win for Hamed. Nothing pretty about it, but neither is this league. Hamed climbs to 1-1, and for one week, the film room has nothing bad to say. Enjoy the silence. Tarick drops to 0-2 and is officially in 'blame the projections' territory.

Another week, another chance for these two to embarrass their draft boards. On paper this is a coin flip: Be my Jaan Robinson at 0-1, McCafre at 0-1. On tape, it's two teams praying the other starts the wrong flex. On to the action, where the points are made up and the projections don't matter.

FINAL: McCafre 149.2, Be my Jaan Robinson 133.5. Workmanlike win for Yousef. Nothing pretty about it, but neither is this league. That 149.2 from McCafre led the entire league this week. Even I have to tip the cap. Briefly. It's back on now. Yousef improves to 1-1. Credit where due, and I do mean the bare minimum of credit. Adel drops to 0-2 and is officially in 'blame the projections' territory.

Strap in, folks. Somebody's week is about to be ruined, and I get paid to watch. Omar (0-1) and Adil (1-0) come in dead even on paper, which is a polite way of saying neither has earned my respect. On to the action, where the points are made up and the projections don't matter.

Ninjer 124.2, Dilmeisters 73.7. In the film room we call that a 'teaching tape.' Adil, you were the lesson. Adil's 73.7 was the lowest score in the league this week. The LOWEST. Out of twelve teams. I need everyone to sit with that. Omar improves to 1-1. Credit where due, and I do mean the bare minimum of credit. Adil drops to 1-1 and is officially in 'blame the projections' territory.

Strap in, folks. Somebody's week is about to be ruined, and I get paid to watch. On paper this is a coin flip: Campaign Papi at 1-0, Team Mohammad at 1-0. On tape, it's two teams praying the other starts the wrong flex. On to the action, where the points are made up and the projections don't matter.

Campaign Papi handles business, 130.5-114.7. Mustafa will tell you it was closer than the score. The score disagrees, and the score was there. Zaid improves to 2-0. Credit where due, and I do mean the bare minimum of credit. Mustafa falls to 1-1. The good news: it can't get worse. The bad news: I said that last week too.

Grab your popcorn. One of these rosters was built by a genius, the other by a group chat dare. Ahmad (0-1) and Issa (1-0) come in dead even on paper, which is a polite way of saying neither has earned my respect. Let's see whose projections were lies.

118.0-90.2, Shamjesus over Lucy's Finest. A professional beating. Not a memorable one, just a thorough one. Issa climbs to 2-0, and for one week, the film room has nothing bad to say. Enjoy the silence. Ahmad falls to 0-2. The good news: it can't get worse. The bad news: I said that last week too.