EST. 2023 · 12 TEAMS · ONE THRONE
YIZZOS LEAGUE
The complete historical record: every matchup, every draft, every trade, and every humiliation since 2023. Narrated by a broadcast booth that watched all of it and respects almost none of you.
THE PULSE · AUTO-UPDATED EVERY TUESDAY
WEEK 4 IN THE BOOKS
Aziz hung 182.6 on Mustafa and never looked back, winning by 84.0 in the week's designated execution. Karim put 152.6 on Tarick in a 53.4-point mugging that should interest law enforcement. Issa beat Okashah 140.6-113.3, and the less said about the loser's flex spot, the kinder. Ahmad outscored Adil 163.5-137.9, a sentence that fully captures the excitement level. Omar H. dispatched Omar A. 101.7-87.9 with the ruthless efficiency of a man deleting spam. Yousef survived Zaid by 5.7, and both benches deserve subpoenas over it.
Aziz dropped a league-best 182.6, which buys exactly one week of trash talk credit. Week's worst: Omar A. with 87.9. Twelve managers, and one of them scored THAT.
In transaction news, Aziz and Zaid swung a deal (Jacory Croskey-Merritt, Tetairoa McMillan, Kyren Williams, Terry McLaurin). The booth has graded it and the booth is not kind. Adil lost 3 waiver claims this week, which takes a special commitment to being second.
In the season race: Karim still leads the league in scoring, while Tarick continues auditioning for the punishment.
THIS WEEK IN LEAGUE HISTORY: Week 4 of 2023: Yousef beat Issa by 130.3, a beating the tape still uses as training material. In 2024, Adil dropped 171.4 on Mustafa in this same week — a public execution the league still references. In 2025, Yousef dropped 177.7 on Ahmad in this same week — a public execution the league still references.
This has been the report. Someone check on the losers.
THE SLATE
Scores & Next Week
Scores, matchups, rankings, and the report refresh automatically every Tuesday morning, whether the losers like it or not.
THE THRONE ROOM
Hall of Champions
THE NUMBERS
League at a Glance
UNDER INVESTIGATION
From the Back Office
THE CONSTITUTION
Rules
Format
12 teams, head-to-head points. 14-week regular season, then a 7-team playoff — top seed earns a first-round bye, everyone else earns anxiety.
Lineups
QB, 2 RB, 2 WR, TE, FLEX (RB/WR/TE), D/ST, K, 7 bench spots, 1 IR. Nine starters, nine chances to embarrass yourself.
Scoring
Full PPR (1.0 per reception), 6-point passing touchdowns, 0.1 per rushing/receiving yard, 0.04 per passing yard, -2 for interceptions and fumbles. Quarterbacks matter here. Draft accordingly, or don't — it's funnier when you don't.
Playoffs & Seeding
Seven teams make it. Seeding ties break on total points scored, so running up the score is not just encouraged, it's league policy.
Waivers & Trades
Traditional waivers. Trades pass unless five managers vote to veto — a threshold this league treats less like a safeguard and more like a group activity.
The Punishment
Last place does the punishment. In theory. See 2024 for how theory went. 2025 set the precedent with the Milk Mile; 2026 raises it with the Napkin T-Shirt Challenge: the sacko wears a big white tee to dinner and the league wipes its hands on him, course by course.
THE ARCHIVE
League History
THE AWARDS SHOW
Superlatives
The Dynasty
Best Team to Never Win It
The Juggernaut Offense
The Punching Bag
Target Practice
Bench Warmer General
ETERNAL DISHONOR
Wall of Shame
The Milk Mile: 30 laps, 4 drinks. Omar Hasan ran, drank, and reportedly regretted all of it. The first punishment ever actually served in league history.
A highly contested finish led to exactly zero heads being shaved. The booth would like to formally point at Mustafa.
No punishment on the books. The league was young and merciful.
FROM THE BOOTH
Season Recaps
Adil's Talkin Tua Teenager led the league at 10-4 with 1,861 points chasing the threepeat. Behind him, chaos: Omar A.'s MARLBURROW REDS scored 1,803 and grabbed the 2-seed, Yousef made his annual playoff reservation, and EIGHT teams finished within a game of .500. The new guy Aziz sat at 7-7 with the 6-seed and, quietly, the best point differential in the entire league (+222) — a warning sign everyone ignored. Omar H. cratered to 4-10 and a date with the Milk Mile. And Zaid went 5-9 for the second consecutive year while proposing a league-record volume of trades, a combination the booth has decided to call 'passionate incompetence.'
Yousef did it again: 11-3, the 1-seed, and a full season of everyone telling him this was finally the year. Ahmad's Lucy's Finest broke out at 9-5 with a league-best 1,927 points, and newcomer Okashah announced himself at 8-6. Below them, a swamp: four teams at 7-7, including champion-in-waiting Adil, who spent fourteen weeks doing an extended impression of a mediocre team. Zaid went 5-9 while executing more trades than several NFL front offices, proving conclusively that motion is not progress. Karim also went 5-9 while losing 12 waiver claims along the way, a level of activity-to-results mismatch that deserves its own documentary.
Fourteen weeks of inaugural football and one clear bully: Yousef's McCafre went 11-3 with 1,924 points, including a 224.8 in Week 8 that remains the highest score in league history — a number so obscene the rest of the league should have taken it as a threat. Adil quietly stacked wins at 10-4, Zaid and Issa both hit 9-5, and a three-car pileup of 7-7 teams (Karim, Omar H., Hamed) jockeyed for the last playoff spots. At the bottom, Tarick's Balls Deep went 3-11 and Ahmad wasn't much better at 4-10. The lesson of year one: scoring wins weeks, but December wins banners.
THE LEDGER
All-Time Standings
| Manager | Seasons | W | L | Pct | Playoffs | PF/Szn | PA/Szn | Titles |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1Adil | 4 | 30 | 16 | .652 | 4 | 1445 | 1322 | 2 |
| 2Aziz Salem | 2 | 10 | 8 | .556 | 2 | 1196 | 1028 | 1 |
| 3Yousef Rassas | 4 | 32 | 14 | .696 | 4 | 1508 | 1322 | 0 |
| 4Okashah | 3 | 17 | 15 | .531 | 2 | 1260 | 1255 | 0 |
| 5Issa Ali | 4 | 24 | 22 | .522 | 1 | 1316 | 1353 | 0 |
| 6Karim Rassas | 4 | 23 | 23 | .500 | 3 | 1312 | 1333 | 0 |
| 7Hamed Eljabali(RIP 💀) | 1 | 7 | 7 | .500 | 1 | 1548 | 1528 | 0 |
| 8Omar Ali | 4 | 22 | 24 | .478 | 2 | 1406 | 1392 | 0 |
| 9Adel Haque(RIP 💀) | 2 | 13 | 15 | .464 | 1 | 1652 | 1606 | 0 |
| 10Ahmad Saifi | 4 | 21 | 25 | .457 | 2 | 1361 | 1383 | 0 |
| 11Mustafa Mohammad | 4 | 21 | 25 | .457 | 1 | 1342 | 1402 | 0 |
| 12Omar Hasan | 4 | 20 | 26 | .435 | 2 | 1321 | 1361 | 0 |
| 13Zaid Dabus | 4 | 19 | 27 | .413 | 1 | 1303 | 1393 | 0 |
| 14Tarick | 4 | 17 | 29 | .370 | 2 | 1297 | 1466 | 0 |
GONE BUT NOT FORGIVEN
The Graveyard
They came, they set lineups, they left. The league remembers. The league does not miss.