THE BACK OFFICE

DEEP CUTS

The investigative wing of the broadcast booth. Every number below is real, computed from three seasons of receipts, and legally actionable in the group chat.

FOLLOW THE MONEY

The Glaze Report

Who trades with whom the most. Two-manager trade frequency, all-time. Draw your own conclusions; the booth already has.

Adil × Zaid
5
trades together · at this point it's a joint venture
Omar A. × Adil
2
trades together
Zaid × Yousef
2
trades together
Aziz × Zaid
2
trades together
Karim × Zaid
1
trades together
Mustafa × Zaid
1
trades together

RESTRAINING ORDERS PENDING

The Cuck Report

The most lopsided rivalries in league history (minimum 4 meetings). One man's series lead is another man's entire personality problem.

Adil cucks Tarick
6–0
6 meetings and counting
Ahmad cucks Tarick
5–0
5 meetings and counting
Omar H. cucks Mustafa
4–0
4 meetings and counting
Adil cucks Zaid
4–0
4 meetings and counting
Yousef cucks Zaid
6–1
7 meetings and counting
Karim cucks Issa
5–1
6 meetings and counting

AUDIT DIVISION

Fraud Watch

The BS-win detector: who piles up wins while scoring the least and facing the softest scoring against them. A high Fraud Score means the record is doing work the roster never did.

ManagerRecordWin%PF/SznPA/SznGift WinsFraud Score
Aziz10-8.556119610280+85
Okashah17-15.531126012552+69
Yousef32-14.696150813222+46
Adil30-16.652144513221+46
Issa24-22.522131613532+31
Karim23-23.500131213334+23
Omar A.22-24.478140613922-19
Omar H.20-26.435132113612-31
Ahmad21-25.457136113832-35
Hamed (RIP 💀)7-7.500154815280-38
Zaid19-27.413130313931-38
Mustafa21-25.457134214021-42
Tarick17-29.370129714661-50
Adel (RIP 💀)13-15.464165216061-62

Fraud Score = win percentile minus the average of points-for and points-against percentiles. Positive red numbers win games they have no business winning. Gift wins: victories while scoring in the week's bottom four.

THE FILM ROOM

Worst Lineup Changes

Every start/sit call ever made, audited. These are the benchings that cost the most points — the guy left on the bench against the guy who started over him.

  1. 1
    Omar A. benched DJ Moore (49) and started James Conner (4.6)
    2023 · Week 5 · (Ninjer)
    -44.4
  2. 2
    Karim benched Taysom Hill (41.5) and started T.J. Hockenson (3.3)
    2024 · Week 11 · (Hock Tua)
    -38.2
  3. 3
    Adel (RIP 💀) benched Brock Purdy (36.3) and started Jalen Hurts (0)
    2024 · Week 17 · (Be my Jaan Robinson)
    -36.3
  4. 4
    Zaid benched Matthew Stafford (35) and started Jaxson Dart (0.8)
    2026 · Week 2 · (Palestony Soprano)
    -34.2
  5. 5
    Adil benched Zack Moss (33.5) and started Miles Sanders (1.2)
    2023 · Week 5 · (Dilmeisters)
    -32.3
  6. 6
    Aziz benched Michael Wilson (33.5) and started DeVonta Smith (1.8)
    2025 · Week 11 · (Fourth and Bald)
    -31.7
  7. 7
    Yousef benched Josh Allen (48.7) and started Drake Maye (17.4)
    2025 · Week 11 · (Drake and Josh)
    -31.3
  8. 8
    Mustafa benched Jalen Coker (33.8) and started Rico Dowdle (4.1)
    2026 · Week 1 · (Waiver Sniper)
    -29.7
  9. 9
    Ahmad benched Tank Dell (29.6) and started Marvin Mims Jr. (0)
    2023 · Week 9 · (Lucy's Finest)
    -29.6
  10. 10
    Ahmad benched Gus Edwards (29.4) and started Miles Sanders (0)
    2023 · Week 8 · (Lucy's Finest)
    -29.4
Points Left on the Bench (all-time)
  1. 1
    Ahmad
    1072
  2. 2
    Yousef
    1049
  3. 3
    Karim
    1031
  4. 4
    Omar A.
    906
  5. 5
    Zaid
    901
Perfect Lineup Weeks
  1. 1
    Adil
    23
  2. 2
    Omar H.
    16
  3. 3
    Ahmad
    15
  4. 4
    Zaid
    15
  5. 5
    Yousef
    14

PERSONNEL DEPARTMENT

Player Files

Every lineup ever set, viewed from the players' side: who carried whom, who detonated, who toured the whole league, and who scored a season's worth of points from the bench.

Ahmad · franchise player
Lamar Jackson
QB · 1085 points across 55 starts
Yousef · franchise player
Josh Allen
QB · 801 points across 31 starts
Mustafa · franchise player
Jalen Hurts
QB · 707 points across 32 starts
Adil · franchise player
Jayden Daniels
QB · 546 points across 23 starts
Adel (RIP 💀) · franchise player
Bijan Robinson
RB · 531 points across 32 starts
Karim · franchise player
Jaxon Smith-Njigba
WR · 518 points across 25 starts
Tarick · franchise player
Amon-Ra St. Brown
WR · 497 points across 26 starts
Omar H. · franchise player
DeVonta Smith
WR · 427 points across 29 starts
Issa · franchise player
Dak Prescott
QB · 410 points across 21 starts
Omar A. · franchise player
James Cook III
RB · 367 points across 30 starts
Zaid · franchise player
Tyreek Hill
WR · 355 points across 15 starts
Aziz · franchise player
Puka Nacua
WR · 349 points across 15 starts
Okashah · franchise player
De'Von Achane
RB · 347 points across 19 starts
Hamed (RIP 💀) · franchise player
Keenan Allen
WR · 255 points across 11 starts
Biggest Single Games Started
  1. 1
    Josh Allen
    for Yousef · 2024 Wk 14
    57.9
  2. 2
    Ja'Marr Chase
    for Ahmad · 2024 Wk 10
    55.4
  3. 3
    Jahmyr Gibbs
    for Yousef · 2025 Wk 12
    55.4
  4. 4
    Trevor Lawrence
    for Issa · 2025 Wk 15
    54.3
  5. 5
    Ja'Marr Chase
    for Adil · 2023 Wk 5
    52.2
All-Time Workhorses (Started Pts)
  1. 1
    Josh Allen
    61 starts
    1295
  2. 2
    Jalen Hurts
    61 starts
    1127
  3. 3
    Lamar Jackson
    55 starts
    1085
  4. 4
    Jahmyr Gibbs
    60 starts
    1013
  5. 5
    Bijan Robinson
    62 starts
    1000
The Mercenaries (Most Teams)
  1. 1
    Steelers D/ST
    8
  2. 2
    Buccaneers D/ST
    8
  3. 3
    Seahawks D/ST
    8
  4. 4
    Commanders D/ST
    7
  5. 5
    Courtland Sutton
    7
Most Points Scored From a Bench
  1. 1
    Jared Goff
    716
  2. 2
    Matthew Stafford
    404
  3. 3
    Jordan Love
    368
  4. 4
    Baker Mayfield
    363
  5. 5
    Brock Purdy
    356

Jared Goff has scored 716 points from various benches around this league. Somebody free him.

THE PHONES

The Trade Desk

Offers sent, doors slammed, and vetoes cast. Proposing a trade is free, which explains a lot of this.

Offers Sent
  1. 1
    Zaid
    92
  2. 2
    Aziz
    76
  3. 3
    Karim
    60
  4. 4
    Yousef
    32
  5. 5
    Omar A.
    30
Trades Declined
  1. 1
    Karim
    48
  2. 2
    Aziz
    28
  3. 3
    Okashah
    26
  4. 4
    Ahmad
    22
  5. 5
    Issa
    19
Vetoes Cast
  1. 1
    Adil
    33
  2. 2
    Tarick
    13
  3. 3
    Mustafa
    11
  4. 4
    Karim
    8
  5. 5
    Okashah
    8

3 AM ACTIVITY

The Waiver Wire

Claims won and claims lost. Losing a waiver claim means someone wanted your guy more and got up earlier.

Waiver Claims Won
  1. 1
    Karim
    48
  2. 2
    Adil
    35
  3. 3
    Omar A.
    31
  4. 4
    Okashah
    27
  5. 5
    Yousef
    26
Waiver Claims Lost
  1. 1
    Karim
    43
  2. 2
    Adil
    22
  3. 3
    Yousef
    20
  4. 4
    Omar A.
    18
  5. 5
    Issa
    16

THE MUSEUM

Streaks

Longest runs of glory and misery, including sustained beatings administered by a single rival.

Longest Win Streak
  1. 1
    Adil
    8
  2. 2
    Adel (RIP 💀)
    6
  3. 3
    Okashah
    6
  4. 4
    Aziz
    6
  5. 5
    Ahmad
    5
Longest Losing Streak
  1. 1
    Issa
    7
  2. 2
    Mustafa
    6
  3. 3
    Adel (RIP 💀)
    6
  4. 4
    Tarick
    6
  5. 5
    Omar H.
    5
Longest Skid vs One Rival
  1. 1
    Tarick lost to Adil
    6×
  2. 2
    Issa lost to Karim
    5×
  3. 3
    Zaid lost to Omar H.
    5×
  4. 4
    Omar H. lost to Yousef
    5×
  5. 5
    Tarick lost to Ahmad
    5×

APPOINTMENT TELEVISION

Series Watch

The most contested long-running series, and the matchup the schedule-maker can't stop booking.

Omar A. vs Adil
3–3
6 meetings · avg margin 1.0 · genuinely competitive, somehow
Ahmad vs Mustafa
3–3
6 meetings · avg margin 1.7 · genuinely competitive, somehow
Issa vs Zaid
3–3
6 meetings · avg margin 2.9 · genuinely competitive, somehow
Omar A. vs Tarick
3–3
6 meetings · avg margin 15.9 · genuinely competitive, somehow
Omar H. vs Adel (RIP 💀)
2–2
4 meetings · avg margin 0.4 · genuinely competitive, somehow
Tarick vs Mustafa
2–2
4 meetings · avg margin 1.8 · genuinely competitive, somehow

Most matchups all-time: Karim vs Tarick — 7 games. At this point they should split rent.

VOLUME LEADERS

The Counting Stats

Raw accumulation, per-season where it matters. No context, no mercy.

Most Wins
  1. 1
    Yousef
    32
  2. 2
    Adil
    30
  3. 3
    Issa
    24
  4. 4
    Karim
    23
  5. 5
    Omar A.
    22
Most Losses
  1. 1
    Tarick
    29
  2. 2
    Zaid
    27
  3. 3
    Omar H.
    26
  4. 4
    Ahmad
    25
  5. 5
    Mustafa
    25
Points / Season
  1. 1
    Adel (RIP 💀)
    1652
  2. 2
    Hamed (RIP 💀)
    1548
  3. 3
    Yousef
    1508
  4. 4
    Adil
    1445
  5. 5
    Omar A.
    1406
Fewest Points / Season
  1. 1
    Aziz
    1196
  2. 2
    Okashah
    1260
  3. 3
    Tarick
    1297
  4. 4
    Zaid
    1303
  5. 5
    Karim
    1312
Best Point Differential / Szn
  1. 1
    Yousef
    +186
  2. 2
    Aziz
    +168
  3. 3
    Adil
    +123
  4. 4
    Adel (RIP 💀)
    +46
  5. 5
    Hamed (RIP 💀)
    +21
Worst Point Differential / Szn
  1. 1
    Tarick
    -169
  2. 2
    Zaid
    -90
  3. 3
    Mustafa
    -60
  4. 4
    Omar H.
    -40
  5. 5
    Issa
    -38
Win Percentage
  1. 1
    Yousef
    .696
  2. 2
    Adil
    .652
  3. 3
    Aziz
    .556
  4. 4
    Okashah
    .531
  5. 5
    Issa
    .522
Free Agent Pickups
  1. 1
    Adil
    122
  2. 2
    Karim
    83
  3. 3
    Issa
    60
  4. 4
    Zaid
    55
  5. 5
    Omar A.
    52