Welcome back to the only league where the tape never lies and neither do I. The Milkman (3-1) is the clear favorite over Shia Killer (0-4), and if you disagree, congratulations, you must be Tarick. Losers of 4 straight, Shia Killer is one more bad Sunday from the booth calling it a lifestyle. Kickoff's coming. Set your lineups, say your prayers.
The film doesn't lie, and unfortunately for one of these teams, I've watched it. Talkin Tua Teenager at 3-1 should handle this. Of course, 'should' is the most dangerous word in this league, usually spoken right before Zaid ruins someone's weekend. Zaid rides a 4-game skid into this one, and the vibes in that locker room — a phone, in a pocket — are grim. Sunday will sort this out the way it sorts everything: rudely.
This is the matchup the schedule-maker circled, presumably while laughing. Records: 3-1 and 2-2. Identical enough that both fanbases — populations of one — are equally nervous. Somebody tell the benches to stay warm. They usually outscore the starters around here.
Settle in. The projections say this one's close. The projections have been drinking. Mohammad's Dolphins Team (1-3) versus Black Ts (2-2). Vegas calls this a pick'em. I call it mutually assured mediocrity. Okashah has lost 3 in a row and started describing it as 'a process.' The process is losing. May the best roster win, and may the worst manager notice.
Somewhere, a bye week goes unnoticed. But not by me. Never by me. On paper this is a coin flip: Shamjesus at 2-2, I LaPorted the Nabers at 3-1. On tape, it's two teams praying the other starts the wrong flex. On to the action, where the points are made up and the projections don't matter.
Two game plans walk in. Statistically, at least one of them is a coin with feelings. Mustafa sits at 3-1, Ahmad at 2-2, and the only real separation between them is whose kicker shows up. Lineups lock soon. So do fates.
