WEEK 7

Another week, another chance for these two to embarrass their draft boards. Lucy's Finest (4-2) is the clear favorite over Hock Tua (2-4), and if you disagree, congratulations, you must be Karim. May the best roster win, and may the worst manager notice.

Lucy's Finest wins 132.5-97.2 in a game the tape will file under 'competent, mostly.' Ahmad improves to 5-2 and has earned exactly one week of walking slightly taller. Use it wisely. Karim falls to 2-5. The good news: it can't get worse. The bad news: I said that last week too.

The stakes: pride, standings, and the right to be smug in a group chat. Zaid (2-4) and Issa (1-5) come in dead even on paper, which is a polite way of saying neither has earned my respect. On to the action, where the points are made up and the projections don't matter.

FINAL: Bidet 116.4, Shamjesus 77.8. Workmanlike win for Zaid. Nothing pretty about it, but neither is this league. A combined 194.2 points. I've covered scoreless soccer friendlies with more offense. Both lineups should apologize to the sport. Shamjesus posted 77.8, the league's worst mark of the week. Frame it. Study it. Never speak of it again. 3-4 for Zaid, who gets to spend a full week believing his own process. Dangerous stuff. Issa sits at 1-6 and has begun using the phrase 'points against' unprompted. A cry for help.

Somewhere, a bye week goes unnoticed. But not by me. Never by me. Records: 3-3 and 4-2. Identical enough that both fanbases — populations of one — are equally nervous. The tape rolls at kickoff. The excuses roll shortly after.

A tidy 142.5-124.4 win for Ninjer. The film session will be short. Mustafa's will not. Winner winner: Omar A. at 4-3. The trajectory is real. So is the schedule. We'll see. Mustafa slides to 4-3. The schedule ahead offers no apologies and neither does the booth.

Strap in, folks. Somebody's week is about to be ruined, and I get paid to watch. Bookmakers would call Omar✅Yousef✅Oak Next (4-2) a heavy favorite over Be my Jaan Robinson (2-4). This league would call that an invitation for chaos. Adel rides a 3-game skid into this one, and the vibes in that locker room — a phone, in a pocket — are grim. One of you is about to be a cautionary tale. The booth thanks you in advance.

123.3-110.6. The kind of result you forget by Thursday unless you're Adil, in which case it lingers. The standings said this shouldn't happen. Adel (2-4) over Adil (4-2) happened anyway, because the standings don't set lineups. Adel improves to 3-4. Credit where due, and I do mean the bare minimum of credit. Now 4-3, Adil enters the part of the season where 'mathematically alive' does a lot of heavy lifting.

You wanted analysis. I brought a scalpel. Dead heat on the standings page: Shia Killer 4-2, Pirated CDs 4-2. Somebody's about to learn which .500 team was lying. Whatever happens, remember: the booth predicted it, retroactively, with confidence.

It ends 134.6-100.8. No drama, no controversy, just Tarick quietly updating his excuses spreadsheet. Yousef is 5-2 now. The booth has updated his file from 'concerning' to 'under review.' Tarick falls to 4-3. The group chat has been notified. The group chat was already laughing.

The scoreboard is warming up and so is my disappointment. Omar H. at 3-3 against Okashah at 3-3. The analytics call it even. The analytics have not met these men. Omar H. is on a 3-game run and has begun using the word 'dynasty' in casual conversation. The booth is monitoring the situation. Sunday will sort this out the way it sorts everything: rudely.

Final score 150.1 to 100.2. Okashah won by 49.9, which in this league is less a victory and more a formal humiliation. Okashah's 150.1 was the top score in the league this week. Enjoy it. Peaks like this are usually followed by cliffs. Okashah climbs to 4-3, and for one week, the film room has nothing bad to say. Enjoy the silence. 3-4 for Omar H.. Every loss has a lesson; this one's lesson was 'stop doing that.'